23 May (running for 8 weeks, every Weds evening) is our inaugural mixed touch league.  Hopefully few Hampstead teams entering, but ideally this is an extension of the bring a friend recruitment drive & you can get mates, work colleagues etc down. Have an e-flyer for those who wish to organise a side.  More details here.

The Hampstead side returned to one which had been the staple of the season with Gladwell, Byrne, Martin, Wadsworth and the “young Roger Dearling” Putin in the engine room of the tight five. On a wide pitch it was OAs who started in dominant fashion using their tall rangy forwards to good effect and switching the play between blind and openside, but a series of handling errors letting them down. Hampstead began the game as they meant to go on getting pinged at the breakdown.

The first moment of controversy was when the OA’s inside centre decided to spear tackle Vaughn Linklater. Vaughn was so surprised he gave a subdued reply by only handing the player off in the face later in the game, subdued indeed for Vaughn! From the resulting penalty Morgan “AFL” Clement slotted the ball between the posts after the touch-judges had almost forgotten to go behind the posts. From the next attack a flowing move after a break from the centres resulted in Tom “McGoldrilocks” McGoldrick crossing the line. Hampstead 10-0. The tries kept coming for McGoldrick with the forwards finally getting their range at the rucks, although struggling at the set piece. With Simon watching on the man who had unsuccessfully tried to chat up his daughter crossed the line, Paddy Hilley. The Scot looked over and Simon’s face still hadn’t cracked a smile. And Hampstead kept going up to half time up 29-5.

The second half started in amazing fashion when the strong wind played its part. The ball bouncing high and long and “the Panther” QVB beautifully picked the up and fed McGoldrick who scored yet another try. Morgan then added another penalty to give Hampstead a seemingly unassailable lead with OAs down to 14 again after one of their players deliberately tripped Hampstead’s fly-half Clement. Little did he know Clement would have fallen over in any case. Then OAs came storming back into the game with some powerful runs. Their set piece and driving mauls got them back into the game and 2 tries from driving mauls helped them back into the game. Then in the final five minutes Hampstead had to hold out and were defending the line with great gusto. Eventually Tristan Gladwell was sin binned but the Hampstead line held firm with a great determination after Putin was moved to prop and held the scrum firm.

Hampstead won 40-17 in the final game of the season. Notable mentions to Eddie McGoldilocks and JD Pienaar, but it was the hard work of all the players over a long season that has made this all possible. There were jubilant scenes and the boys were truly happy to have won the league and the cup. MCD went up to collect both trophies and the beers started to flow…

After the game Hampstead’s international news correspondent Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin caught up with Morgan Clement:

VVP: So Morgan congrats, a couple of dodgy kicks today, but you orchestrated your backs well. How does it feel to have done the league and cup double?

Clement: Well it feels great I’m so happy for the boys. I’m pleased that my abysmal kicks to touch, which go behind the gain line, didn’t let the boys down. It’s also nice because all season we’ve had to cope not being able to understand a word that our saffer contingent has been saying to us and when one of them is the scrum-half; that makes my job a heck of a lot more difficult. He keeps calling out widge, pittern and pendilim – I have no idea what any of those words mean.

VVP: Well yes – that’s why I don’t do interviews with them as we’d need to pay for an interpreter. Rumour has it that you’re going to be playing AFL over the summer?

Clement: Yeeaaaaah buddy, there’s nothing better than a load of muscular men running around in tight-fitting sleeveless shirts. I love it and love watching it.

VVP: Okay, hope you’re not coming out to me. There’s nothing I can think off that’s worse than the idea of Tim Martin in a tight-fitting sleeveless shirt; no-one wants to see that, not even his girlfriend. So can we expect you back at the club next season?

Clement: Yeeeaaaah buddy, I’ll be back next season hoping to push onto the 1s. I know I need to improve my kicking and post-game banter but I’ll work on that over the summer. What about you? You gonna be back next season?

VVP: Sadly Morgan for me the Soviet authorities have seen fit to exile me to deepest darkest Africa – Zambia. Apparently my poor writing and my dealings in the James Glaysher debacle have led me down this path. It’s a 2 year exile, but I’ll be back to Hampstead one day, hopefully. Thanks Morgs for the interview see you for a few beers at our dinner next week.

Clement: Yeeeaaaaah buddy!

Final Score:  40-12

Morgan Clement

The business end of serious rugby vs the fancy backs stuff

Weston Fat Boys, true to their name, brought a large, sturdy pack to take on the creaking limbs of the Legends, who just relied on the solid bulk of Clazey and Tinky to anchor the scrum, their weight training for the last three decades paying off handsomely. The Legends scrum worked as efficiently as always, skills learnt in the old days of scrummaging as relevant in the modern era as back when tries were worth nothing, just an attempt to kick a conversion. But on this fine day, while the scrum took the legs from their pack, it was to be the Legend’s backs that tore into Weston. Early tries came from Fluff, and the older, wiser, wider, Ian Pugh who found himself in the backline, and after years of hanging around there, knew exactly what to do to split the defensive line, running at inside shoulders and that sort of guff that Guscott and Davies talk about on the telly. Although Pugh’s bellyflop to score was pure, 100% front row.

With a leading belly-fend, Mad Dog forces a hole in the line

With the hunger revitalised by the early scores, Weston came back hard at the Legends, but the old arms were still strong and the legs kept pumping and Weston were denied on all their forays into the Hampstead half. The only area that the Legends were subpar in was the lineout. This was understandable, considering the size of some of the boys. Such as the courageous, charging, chubby captain Taylor himself.

Chubby Chairman Taylor "jumping" in a lineout

Despite the handicap, the Legends pack gamely carried on battling for evey scrap of lineout ball, falling on any loose ball that appeared, driving the resultant maul and so forth.

The second half brought more of the same, with the old legs tiring, and the old skin rapidly burning in the new-fangled sun. Weston came back into the game with gusto, threatening the line on several occasions but teh Legends held on to deny them the score. Much scrummaging also happened, with the Legends holding the upper hand in most of them, and with judicious use of the replacements bench some great breaks were made from long range, as the game opened up. More tries came from Dave Weston, Glenn Taylor, Matt Kowal, Spanky and Adam Gadd, but the pick of the bunch had to be Owen’s effort with the world’s longest handoff from the 22 all the way to the line. The game carried on with the same gusto as ever, with Al Hunter regretting his weakness in accepting a run out when he only came along to watch, as some big brute smashed him into the rather hard ground. At least his mesmerising ball waving amused all and sundry…

Final score: Legends 40 – Weston fat Boys 0

Team -
Clazey, Dearling, Colonel, Pugh, Dowens, Tinky, Munro, Radley,  Parental Phil, Glenn Taylor, S Taylor, Sumo, Errol, Owen Jenkins, Matt Kowal, Matt Dick, Al Hunter, Stumpy, Evans, Tarratt
Gadd, Weston, Fluff, Spanky

Ref – Marnell
Coach – Hiom
Official Photographer – John Taylor

Man of the match: Matt Kowal (age has not caught up with him yet)

Muppet of the match: Fluffer for fluffing each and every kick at the posts. Worse than Jonny Wilko at the RWC.

The Legends Live On

Hampstead 4′s Vs Black Horse

21st January 2012

A rainy morning made way for bright sunshine in time for the Heathens first home game since October, and their first league game since before Christmas, already having 2 oppos call off in the previous two weeks.

Having won but been pushed hard away to Black Horse back in September, Hampstead were ready for a contest with players itching to get onto the pitch. Rory Holmes kicked off, failing to send the ball 10, it was the only mistake he made all game. Black Horse took control in the scrum but the Hampstead pack did what they do best and in the loose got straight in the face of the half backs and a turnover rapidly followed. A few phases taking D1 and D2 (see Coops, we listen) drew the defence in and the egg was spun wide and, making his Hampstead début, JC powered over the line.

Then the tries began to flow, Dobbo gathering whatever ball BH kicked over and stepping and dummying everyone for fun, getting over the line himself and offloading to Shirley who beat the wing and fullback for pace, sprinting from the halfway line into the corner in front of an adoring crowd. Patrick Hilley showed why pace men work at inside centre as well as out wide, linking up well with Rory at 10 to step everyone and get over the try line (he did it a second time later as well….I forget when exactly).

Hampstead’s scrum managed to upset Black Horses main strength area, the great hooking of Mark Harrison pinching their ball as often as they won it themselves, but they didn’t put their heads down and whenever they had their chance to batter back into Hampstead’s half they did and after a sustained period of attack they got themselves over and added their own points to the game. An angered Hampstead went straight back at them though and JB, putting in a man of the match performance, sniped his way around the ruck and sprinted his way over the line.

After being threatened with being subbed, Ian Panton promptly showed why the selectors are idiots..I’ll allow him to explain with this handy schematic he emailed me (See Below) Special mention to Shirley and his wasted run.

We subbed him anyway.

Rich Young came on and promptly (with a little help from Dobbo) scored, and after another 50 yard dash from JB, offloaded through Rich, Corey Dudgeon strolled over the line for the first props try. One of the second rows got over for a try, it might have been McGarrity, whoever it was he scored a second, so it probably wasn’t McGarrity. Paul Van De Hende powered through from the 22 to make the 2^nd of the props try’s of the day. Though the Horse managed to battle through and get over the try line again it was certainly Hampstead’s day and a marker was set for next weeks trip to OA’s 5

Final score

Hampstead 4′s 86-14 Black Horse

Ian Pantons 'Try of the Match' (???)

The festive season was over and the Hampstead 3s squad faced up its first game of the year, merry and confident on a sunny morning, perfect for the fast paced run it from anywhere style of Hampstead!

The game started and immediately it was clear that all the Hampstead players had eaten and drunk their way through the Christmas and where suffering both mentally and physically as a result, losing nearly all scrums and line outs in first quarter of the game.

From the sheer size of a Hertford pack who appeared to have enjoyed Christmas even more than Hampstead, it was clear that the Hampstead forwards had to do their best if they wanted to win the match.  After two strong forward plays by Hertford and a quick counter break by Hampstead the score stood at 7-17 to Hertford.  It was that crucial moment when they had to decide, give up or fight and win!

Luckily Hampstead decided to fight, with JB leading the team with some darting breaks and then offloading to the always-in support back row of Walsh, Dallas and Peck. Hampstead where now gradually improving, mastering key aspects of their game, such as lineouts but still struggling in the scrums against the bigger Hertford pack.

Hertford showing themselves to be decent opposition used their domination of the scrums and keeping the ball tight and going through multiple phases to score again.  With the wind behind Hertford they repeatedly kicked the ball long but luckily for Hampstead fullback Higgins caught and returned all of the fly balls.  The first half finished with Hertford ahead 28-19, after JB scored and Higgins converted a remarkable try from el Spaniard, in which he dribbled the ball, like his fellow country man Torres from just within their 22, past several of the opposition and the try line before diving on.

The second half continued in the same manner, with ever score by Hertford answered by Hampstead, but now with the lighter, fitter Hampstead Pack started to wear down Hertford.  Tries came from Mason, Bigham and El Spaniard (dos!).  Sadly Rickard was unable to score from his breakaway, running out of muffin at around 69-metres and at 70 minutes the score stood at 36 all.

Hampstead, now with the wind at their back kept Hertford pinned in their own half.  With darting breaks by the latest and greatest 3s centre pairing of Mason and O’Keefe followed by the crashing carrying of Rourke, McGarrity, Hyde, Hamilton, Brear, Peck and Walsh, Hampstead moved ever closer to scoring, perhaps what would become the winning try.

Finally after constant pressure on their try line, Hertford conceded a penalty and Youdan stepped up and calmly slotted it. Hampstead led 39-36 with less than 5 minutes to go.

Methodically Hampstead regained the ball from the kick off and again stormed up the pitch and after more phases than anyone can remember scored again to finish a remarkable comeback.

On balance, it was a tough victory, against decent opposition but next time Hampstead need to be awake from the first minute and not giving chances to their rivals.

Anyway, well done Hampstead!

Hampstead team: Brear, Cox, Gutiérrez Martín, Hamilton, Higgins, Holmes, Hyde, Mason, McGarrity, O’Keefe, Peck, Rickard, Roulston, Rourke, Ruthven, Ruat, Walsh, Youdan.

Match Report:  Benjamin “El Spaniard” Gutiérrez Martín
(Available in Welsh and Spanish upon request)

Having already secured the league win thanks to OMT’s failing to find enough players Hampstead 4s piled onto a train to Windsor looking for a big win to shake of the Christmas turkey.

Windsor however seemed to have the same idea. With the squad minus Roger who was unable to make the journey in time and Dom Hailes once again failing to turn up a quick shift around in the front 3 and the back 3 and the game kicked off.

Hampsteads Christmas rustiness was made up for by a sheer determination to cause as much damage as possible and the forwards battered the ball up field. And promptly stayed there for a good half hour. The only way Windsor got any field possession was through some (fairly regular) Heathens penalties, even the knock ons didn’t help them as Hampsteads reshuffled tight 5 powered through and pushed them off their ball on a regular basis.

Shirley, drafted in at 10, valiantly tried to get the ball moving but a very quick blitz (not the least off side) defence hampered his way through as Windsor defended brilliantly to hold Hampstead out. A drive from a pendulum ball saw Jimbo over the line but was deemed held up. Shortly afterwards a scrub was walked over the line but the opposing 9 grounded the ball at Colins feet before he or Ben had a chance. Not long after Scott Donald got over the line and grounded, busting through the fringe defence from 5 yards. But the ref didn’t see it and after complaints from the oppo was deemed to be knocked on. Much to Hampsteads disgust.
Some back and forth play seeing Windsor taking advantage of Hampsteads frustration saw the half looking like finishing 0 0. But a quick tap penalty in the final minutes saw some quick hands and Colin Gellalty dived over for the try.

The second half kicked off and normal service resumed with play moving back and forth and left to right. Neither side able to find a way through. The first 15 minutes only broken by 3 point from the boot of James Shirley.
With 20 minutes remaining a fantastic driving maul from lineup saw the ball move from half way up to 10 yards of the line. But was pulled down by Windsors no. 10, clinging to Simon Marcus’s shins. A penalty was awarded but the resulting try was not given, seen to be a double move by the opposition, and not seen at all by the ref.

Frustrations kicked in, along with the Christmas turkey and Hampstead conceded a try from a very good team effort from Windsor. But in the final few minutes of the game, a hesitant Windsor fly half at a line out on their 10 gave Elliot Walker time to jog up and intercept the pass and score under the posts. Shirley adding the extras. Windsor fought back hard and if not for some hard hits and diving tackles could have scored again. But Hampstead didn’t fold and the final whistle blew, the score 5 15 and two very battered teams left the field. One happier than the other, but possibly as Mark Harrison had just asked what the big castle by the ground was.

A confused Mark Harrison was seen later that night on Hampstead Heath

A stiff breeze aided Old Street in the first half and they pinned the visitors back into their 22 for long periods. Despite having the majority of possession, Old Street were unable to break down Hampstead’s well-organised defence and didn’t really look like crossing the line.

It took a penalty for the home team to take a slender lead, awarded after flanker Tristan Morgan was penalised at the ruck for the third time in as many seconds.

Hampstead came back strongly, but failed to finish off the chances they created, with the backs running over complicated moves and the forwards being let down by their handling, especially at blind slide flanker. After a period of pressure, all Hampstead had to show was a penalty from outstanding non-Northern fly half Morgan Clement.

After a knock on – one of several in the game from Hampstead’s no. 6 – Old Street had an attacking scrum and broke down the blindside, unmarshalled by the flanker who should have been covering that side of the scrum.

A chip forward and a mix up by Hampstead’s back three allowed the home team to run in for a converted try on the stroke of half time, leaving the score 10-3.

Inspiring words at half time, not to mention the wind at their backs, meant Hampstead started the second half the stronger of the two teams and finally broke through after fullback Ben Savigar-Jones burst through for the first of two tries in quick succession.

After 15 minutes of the second half, the game was still tight at 15-10 to Hampstead, but it took the substitution of Roger Dearling, who came on for stricken blindside flanker Tristan Morgan, for the floodgates to really open.

Dearling was the missing link, the glue between backs and forwards, and Hampstead ran in three quick tries from Blazers Corridan and two from Sean Carroll to kill the game. Clement capped an unsurpassable performance by converting three of the tries and the game finished 34-10 to Hampstead.